Wednesday, February 3, 2010

dispatches from the Fort Worth Stock Show

Saturday, 8:47 a.m.: The humans have forced me into this awful cage against my will. I'm backed into a corner here. The females seem to think I'm some sort of shower puff. Someone, anyone...please... I have two hundred brothers and sisters in the next room. Tell them to stage an uprising. Tell them to use teeth and claws if they must. Tell them they must KILL so that we may be FREE! Tell them to bring hay...

Zzzzz...aren't you a pretty, I said CRICKETS!...zzzzzz....*cough cough*...zzzzzz...cockadoodle who? cockadoodle THIS....

I SAY! You there! Would you kindly bring this old fellow a cup of tea? The chap in the next cage is QUITE intolerable - been asleep for hours. AND he snoooores. This place is SIMPLY uncivilized. There's NO service to speak of, and ALL I get is stared at all day. I say!

Oooh, I just hate these social functions. I'm always so awkward. I'm really more of a homebody anyway, you know. Everyone stares at my hair. As if I could help it that it's naturally voluminous. People pay big money for this at salons, you know. I don't think these shoes go with this outfit. I should have gone with the brown shoes. How embarrassing. Maybe I can just try to blend in...

Well, this is a fine how do you do! Shavings! The nerve of these people. Shavings! Harumph. This will cost me a pretty penny at the salon tomorrow. I'd better tell them to book me for the whole day.

Hey, get your butt outta my face!
You get your butt outta MY face!
Bacon booty!
Hammy Hiney!
Fat back!
Oh, just shut up and go to sleep!

MAKEUP!! I need a tissue over here! Doesn't ANYONE have a tissue?? How about a towel? Anyone?

You want in, it's five bucks. No, I'm sorry, I dunno ya sistah. You want in, it's five bucks. No, da band don't start for anudda two hours but ya still gotta pay. I don't care who you're datin', your not on da list. C'mon now, I don't want no trouble outta you. Lesss see some I.D. You gonna give me lip? Datz what I tought. Five bucks. No, I ain't got change.


  1. Now that made me laugh! Great job!


  2. Hahaha, great pics and dialogue :)

    I was disappointed that I forgot my camera that day, then when I got home, I realized it was in my back pocket the whole day. Darn!