Tuesday, July 28, 2009

life lesson #243

Yesterday, my husband received the following message from me at the office:

"There's a snake in the chicken coop again. Should I use a BB or a lead pellet inside the coop at close range?"

He says, "Lead pellet, in the head. Wear glasses."

The rest of the event went something like this* (all comments are mine, to him):

"Okay, be right back."

(Find pellets, load up air rifle, march out to chicken coop, ready to dispense justice. Pellet becomes jammed, no shot fired. March back to house.)

"Crap. I just jammed my air rifle. Going with the machete instead."

(Locate machete purchased some weeks ago. Still in the bag, still in its packaging. CLAMSHELL packaging. Proceed to fight with packaging for what seems like an eternity.)

"ARGH! I've just spent like half an hour trying to get the stupid machete out of the {expletive deleted} blister pack! And now I see that it's riveted to the package!! AAAHHH! I need it NOW!"

(Ditch machete.)

"{expletive deleted} I'll just use the shovel."

(March back outside, shovel in hand, to find NO snake in the chicken coop. Search high and low, turn over the bedding, no sign of snake. Roll eyes all the way back to the house.)

"Never mind. It's gone now."

The moral: Have your sh*t ready to go before you need it.

Amusing aside: The play by play of this incident was being relayed by my husband to his coworkers, who were apparently in awe.

* I would have LOVED to have pasted in the exact text of this conversation, but we were using Skype chat, and Skype apparently doesn't save chat history. Bummer.


  1. So say you need a pair of scissors... so you buy some and they're packaged like that. How the hell do they expect you to get them out when you need a pair of scissors to do it?

    (yea I know you could use a knife, but that isn't funny or ironic)

    Also, I love your farmy ways.

  2. My husband bought me a machete for Christmas (because I asked for one) and I marched out to whack down some dead weeds in the ditch by the road. Came back in totally defeated because apparently the dumb thing did not come sharpened! I might as well have been using a broom handle on those woody weeds.

    It still isn't sharpened. Hope I don't have a machete emergency.

  3. You know Cindy, now that you say it, I bet mine isn't sharp either. I know better, too - I know that things like that often don't come sharpened, but I didn't think of it in the moment! Shame on me. :)

  4. There is a device available that is purpose built for safely cutting open clamshell packages. It comes packaged in a clamshell of its own.