Apparently I tried to make bread with some dud yeast. Not one to waste things, I decided I'd try to salvage it by rolling it into thin rounds and baking it as pita bread.
Much to my delight, it worked! I had saved the "almost became chicken food" dough and turned it into something useful. Word.
P. S. - I ground the wheat flour for these by hand with my birthday grain mill. Fresh flour on demand!